But by arguing about money the way we were, my husband and I were headed directly to “Splitsville” anyway. I once read that having separate bank accounts only makes it easier for a couple to split up finances when they eventually divorce. So we sat down and divvied up our expenses against how much we’d each be earning, and our nearly six-year love affair with our separate bank accounts began. Then, I’d get upset that he wasn’t letting me spend what was essentially my money. My husband opened a separate account for savings, and then it hit us: Why not just have separate checking accounts? As it was, I would spend money out of our joint account, which would stress out my husband. Money become a huge sore spot, and it resulted in shenanigans like me hiding shopping bags, and him tucking away freelance income so I couldn’t get to it.Ībout three years into our marriage, I changed jobs and started receiving a larger paycheck. It seemed like something we were supposed to do plus, we had received a bunch of money as wedding gifts.Īs it turns out, my husband and I have completely different spending and saving habits – something we neglected to realize during our long-distance dating relationship. Published as a part of a “Marriage Stories” feature in the April 2020 issue of Philadelphia magazine.When my husband and I were married in 2003, we transitioned to a joint bank account. There are millions of partnerships and marriages, and there’s no one way of doing it. Just because you have separate finances, it doesn’t equate to cheating or secrets or anything like that. I’m like, I didn’t know you saved that much. I think he told me like a month ago, and I remember being like, oh, really? It was way more than I thought. And we fully disclose our retirement plans.Īyinde: If Colleen needs something, she can take my card and she has my PIN number, so there are no hidden things in the background of our finances.Ĭolleen: I have no idea how much is in his account. We do have our savings account, and that’s an element of trust, like I trust you’re putting a certain amount in, and we talked about having a bank account for our daughter - she’s 15 months old - where every month we’re expected to put in X amount of our money for her. So some of this is more logistical problem-solving. We even file our taxes separately, and a part of that is just for loan repayment purposes. We assigned bills: I took the electric, and he has the water and the internet. Literally everything else comes out of our separate accounts. I can’t tell you how many of my girlfriends literally put on delivery instructions something like, ‘Put the box in a bush.’ They don’t want to get in trouble for spending.”Īyinde: I think a good way to restate it is, we have separate accounts, but not separate finances.Ĭolleen: We have a joint account that only our mortgage comes out of, and we split that 50/50. I can understand why people would be like, how are you guys not fighting over this? I think it’s because we communicate so effectively with each other. There have been plenty of times where we just both put our cards out and say, “Split the bill.” It’s like a bartering system: I paid for day care this week, so you get groceries next week. When we travel, one person will buy the hotel or Airbnb, the other person pays for the plane tickets, and we alternate paying for meals. I paid for it myself, and then he’ll send me half of the money. This takes away that element of guilt and frustration. Love, Money, Sex, Cheating: The Real Stories of 10 Philly MarriagesĬolleen: I can’t tell you how many of my girlfriends literally put on delivery instructions something like, “Put the box in a bush.” They don’t want to get in trouble for spending.
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